celebrating divorce & why i will never get married again
i had someone i am connected to tell me she had gotten married and i tried to express happiness by saying congratulations but i didn't feel it. i felt darkness. initially i thought it was because i knew our relationship would be different because although she was still poly she now had a husband which created a hierarchy that would deem our relationship not as important (this is not always the case as people can get married without establishing a hierarchy but in this instance it did). as a person who knows what it feels like to feel bliss for other people's "accomplishments" i never found bliss for her marriage but i do see it as a part of her journey for elevation and i wish her the best although our connection has ended in the physical but is now spiritually based, (we no longer connect physically through communication, seeing each other, etc. but i feel the connection remains in a non-tangible manner). through this experience i learned to admit to myself marriage isn't something i celebrate as i prefer to celebrate divorce.
marriage and divorce are both initiations into new ways of being but divorce is a way of being into YOUR SELF that excites me for others to experience. it's not pretty, it's challenging but when you "step out of it" you shine you sparkle like no other experience can give you. of course that is dependent on how you go through the initiation.
i've been divorced twice so i know what it is like to experience the sensations that separating yourself from another brings. the second time i got married i made sure we did not go the "official" route as i did not want paperwork to tie us together if it got to the point where i knew the relationship as spouses was over, but i learned that although the government didn't bind us together there was still a lot of unbinding that had to be done. which is why i will never get married again. i hadn't stood in front of a witness and said i would love him until death did us part but i was saying a devotion to him every A.M and P.M. as his submissive. words are spells. be mindful of your promises to forever connect yourself to another being. that connection may look pretty today but look like "hell" tomorrow and no one should have to stay in an abusive relationship because they promised through sickness and health.
a lot of energy is put into binding with another even if it isn't marriage. the time spent with someone, sharing a bed, sharing a home, combing accounts, mutual friendships, money invested into celebrations such as anniversaries and marriage ceremonies. but when it comes to divorce it's assumed you just get the government to sign off on the separation and it's done, but all that energetic binding has to be undone and i also feel time to celebrate is needed as well. it takes a lot of courage to realize that it's not in your best interest to stay binded to someone. divorce has stigma around it even if you don't include the religious shame. our society sees more value in being attached to someone than being autonomous. so my ability to see divorce, the ending of relationships in one form, and autonomy in an enlightened light is very much needed. fiancé's get support through bridesmaids and groomsmen but divorces are left at the alter alone. with the most advice being given that you'll find someone else.
my advice is to come into wholeness within yourself so you won't need anyone else. there is a difference between desiring companionship and feeling like you are not whole if you do not have another person to connect with. there was a time where i felt i was not living to my full potential if i was not tied to someone else. now i realize i most definitely elevate people when i form relationships with them but i don't have to tie myself to them in order to do so.
many beings do not know who they are outside of the lens of someone else. they know that others think they are funny for example but do they like being funny or do they use that as a way to hide their discomfort around others. who are you? what do you like outside of compromising your interests "to fit" with someone else? this person told me they would love to wear their hair short but their husband wanted them to keep it long so they did. as your OWN being wear your hair how YOU want to wear it, it's your hair, your body, your being! despite it's challenges, the ability to discover who you are and be it is an amazing celebration to me that is prettier than wedding cakes and one time use purity dresses. divorce allows you regain what you gave away and make it fitting for you. maybe you want a renaming ceremony to take on a name that is better fitting for you. if you changed your last name you may have taken on generational cycles and trauma that is not blissful and now you can have a fresh start different from even what you were born with.
when looking at the rituals of marriage i am so grateful my circumstances "forced" me to not have a traditional wedding and the second time i didn't have a ceremony at all. my divorce process was challenging but i didn't have the added weight of processing what it means to consider myself a being that someone else can give away and because i wrote my own vows i believe i said things i can still hold true to outside of a spouse based relationship. it is my intention to get people to be conscious about the experiences they are having by making choices that fit them as opposed to going along with what has been historically done without consciousness.
divorce is a death for sure but it's also an opportunity to be reborn and rebirth can not happen if death doesn't occur first.